Recipe: Salmon in Beetroot, Gin and Mild Despair

Take one fillet of salmon, 400 grams, skin on, and bury it in a mixture of grated beetroot, rock salt, brown sugar and 60 millilitres of gin. Wrap it, weigh it and refrigerate it for two days, as you would a difficult secret.

After 48 hours, rinse the salmon and slice it thinly. It should be ruby at the edge, rosy in the middle and faintly drunk. Serve it on a rye crisp with horseradish cream and a single tear. We sell it at Le Saumon for 46 treats, and last year we sold 8,200 portions, which is a number I find both gratifying and deeply upsetting.